many different versions but mainly paige (crazybutterfly) wrote,
many different versions but mainly paige
crazybutterfly

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wow

what the heck is wrong with me??? i seriously am such an ungrateful little snot and i would hate myself if i was anyone else. i make people feel bad for making me feel bad when really i'm the one making me feel bad. so why can't i change? because i don't know how. i swear i'm bipolar or something because no one can have this many emotions all in one day. i looked up the meaning of bipolar and i don't know if i have it or not... i know i have times when i'm fine and happy and other times when i feel worthless and guilty... sometimes i feel so horrible that i make myself physically ill and sick to my stomach. i know i just need to give it all to God and trust in Him, but it's sooo different. maybe i'm not meant to have close friends. it seems as though no matter how close i get to someone, once they know who i really am, i lose them. i just want these feelings to go away... i just want to feel normal and happy and fun! what else do i need in my life? what am i missing? why am i taking my anger out on my friends? why so many why questions?
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